Sunday, April 19, 2009
i'm back. this post will only be about 17 april, also known as SYF day.reached school at 7 plus, reported straight to music room. after doing all the usual hoohahhs and changing to my gown (had to swap with justina as i've outworn mine) and makeup, ms yee came in and we did warmups and some last minute practise. practice was great. boarded the bus and headed down to VCH. luckily the 10 am recess had just ended, so all my classmates won't have to see me. we were totally silent in the bus, just thinking of the songs and mentally preparing ourselves.
reached VCH at about 11.30am plus? no one had watches so i actually seriously lost track of time for quite a while. did more warmups at some open space outside VCH. boy was it hot! there were many tourists and people with cams taking photos of us. i guess this is a good practice for your concentration - whether you shift your eyes about or just totally look at ms yee.
after toilet break, we went to some holding room to practise some more. they only gave us some crazy 10 minutes to practise. i must admit, we sounded pretty good. back there, i was confident that we really could achieve our G word. ms yee told us to think of minhan as a horse/spouting merlion for the set piece, so that we could have the right expression and all. that bit was cool :D
then it was time for us to wait outside the hall. we heard 2 choirs before us. their versions of White Horses were totally different from us. one was super fast, the other was a tad slower. i felt really nervous at that time. we did the chain massage thing to relax. hugged salanne, esther, shervin and clarissa before going upstage. we proceeded with our performance. White Horses wasn't that bad, so was O Lux. but for Diu Diu Dang, our best song, it was totally screwed, especially the behind bit. we sorta went up key till all the sopranos were almost shrieking. i felt the ending was quite rush too. maybe it's cuz we wanted to end quick and get it over with.
after the performance, we were quite satisfied. but then ms yee said, "i got nothing to say. all i can say is that that wasn't your best." that comment was reall quite a big blow to all of us. she also mentioned that it would really be God's grace for us to achieve G. some of us cried, i didn't cuz i wanted to save the tears for the results, though there were moments when i felt submissive towards my emotions.
lingered around during lunch time and sat in during PHS's performance. i actually fell asleep and junkiat and rachel had to wake me up. my eyes felt super heavy that time. reached back to school at around 3. changed and removed bun and makeup. felt pleased to be in my usual self again :D stayed in the canteen with annabel, claudia and YA (left early) till the results came out. the 3 of them were making up for chinese tests, while i was walking to and fro the drink stall to buy snacks and ice cream. i went bankrupt after that.
results came out at 6.30pm. sylvia called out to me and said, "we got silver!" i was like, "huh?" thought she was kidding. then gabriel came and confirmed it, and i saw jan, adele, justina and isabel crying at some other table. it was then that i knew but i was in self denial (the kind where people won't face the facts that their loved one has passed on). called tingying but she didn't pick up. tears came out unknowingly. after a while, thingying called me and we were both crying over the phone. cried for around half an hour. hugged the other choir members in school, and we all cried together. later found out that all the coir members, regardless of where they were, were all crying. called salanne, and she told me the whole gang was at rachel's house, and all of them were crying.
i felt disappointed and felt that we let ms yee and the senoirs down. i can't really desribe how sad i felt. cried again that night and yesterday night.
not looking forward to them announcing to the school that we got a stinking silver. maybe i'll cry again. my eyes have been puffy as grapes these few days, but i have to learn to get over it myself, even though i have been comforting others too.